A Year in the Making: One We Won't Forget
/A look back at 2022 through some of my journal entries of the year. I began gathering these thoughts on the last day of the year, especially for today. As today is an anniversary of a scary situation in our lives.
I’m not the same person I was at the first of the year. In fact, I’m not the same person I was 2 years ago. I’ve changed. While I know my change is for the good, I’m sure there are those who would frown on my change. And that’s okay.
In 1650, Thomas Fuller said, “It is always darkest before the dawn.” Something I’ve never really thought about until this year. While 2021 was ending on a high note, little did I know what January 2022 had in store for me.
In January, I almost lost my husband to pneumonia. Long story short, I forced him to get up and go to the ER. He had been sick for too long and when I think back to his gray face and arms when he came down the stairs; I know he could have died. I took him to the closest hospital. Knowing we had Kaiser, we would probably have to move to another location. Thankfully, the hospital had the sense to say he was not stable enough to be moved.
I had a couple of people tell me I needed to be on my face, begging God. I didn’t fall on my face begging God to let my husband live while making promises I could not keep. Instead, I sat in the parking lot of the hospital waiting for any news. I bowed my head and barely squeaked out a prayer for healing, for grace, and for mercy. A squeaky prayer was all I could muster.
My husband still struggles with some issues. These issues will probably follow him the rest of his life.
There was so much going on at that time. I was coming up on my one-year anniversary of my job. We were looking at houses because this was going to be the year we bought a house. We had plans, hopes, and dreams. Those hopes, plans, and dreams almost didn’t come to fruition.
I’m still working at my job. I don’t think of it as a job because I love it. I love helping our dealers, learning about the technical side of our products. I love the idea of leaving my work life at the door when I walk out it every evening.
We bought that house. It’s a fixer upper. It’s brick - one of two requirements. We’re enjoying working in our house together to make it what we want. I’m enjoying my chickens and gathering eggs every day. I enjoy hearing my husband’s dreams for the acreage. The other requirement. LAND! Twenty-nine acres, to be exact. The trees, fruit, flowers, vegetables! Hopefully in the next year or so, a pair of goats for milk for my soaps and cheese. I’m not much of a cheese person, but goat’s milk cheese is something I love. And I have a dream of making it.
Throughout this year, I’ve lived life differently. I’m not so focused on certain things anymore. There is so much more going on all around me. I’ve stopped putting other people ahead of me and my family. A co-worker asked me why I stopped teaching school. I told her I spent years pouring myself into other people’s children and it was time to focus on me and my family. To focus on my future.
For years now, I’ve been working on not caring what others think of me. What you see is what you get. I was raised in a church where we were conditioned to focus on the rules and not having a heart for God. I will never allow another church to tell me what I can and cannot do, what I have to wear, and where I’m allowed to go. Rules and fear are not what being a follower of Christ is about.
I once shared about Loving Others. Loving others means we are not judging them. Because of the church, learning to love and not judge is something I have to work on all the time. But you know what? It’s easier for me to love others than it was two years ago.
Today, January 22, 2023 is the one year anniversary, I almost lost my husband. Today has been a quiet day. We’ve spent all day at home together enjoying each other’s company. Something I didn’t know I would be able to do a year ago.
This has definitely been a year in the making. A year we will never forget. And yes, it is most definitely darkest before the dawn.
